Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
