OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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