Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
