Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
