Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
