the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
