The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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