i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
