I accidentally had phone sex last night
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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