I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So squirting runs in the family.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
