seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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