Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
