Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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