I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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