so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
