she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
