he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
