he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
