all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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