Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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