Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
