I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
