She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
