So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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