Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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