i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
