Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
