the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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