i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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