hotel room ftw
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
