you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we made out on top of his cat.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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