at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
