Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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