i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
