If that was your dad, he is hot
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
