woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
