did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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