the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
