I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
