She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
