i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
