He uses pillows to masturbate.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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