If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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