he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
