I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
