it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
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Are my feet made of real feet?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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