She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
