Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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