Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
