U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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