obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
