Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
