I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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