The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
