if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
