you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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