Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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