Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My life is pants optional.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize