She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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