he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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