By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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