Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
