YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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