well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
