I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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