There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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