Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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