I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
