Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
