Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
