You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
