It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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