she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
