I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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