ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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