my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
