Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
