her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think a kid would responsible me up
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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