Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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