Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
