I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
