Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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