that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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